Insecure S2E6: Hella Blows

I wish this picture captured the whole shirt, which read, "FBI killed Fred Hampton."

I wish this picture captured the whole shirt, which read, "FBI killed Fred Hampton."

Round 6! Blow. By. Blow.

Molly still hasn't recovered from the night at her parents' home, and is avoiding her mother while also hesitant about talking to Dro again. She's confused; wants him but doesn't want him like this. But fully & willingly engaged with this. Oh ok. Of course Dro wants to see Molly "Mo" again like just old times because....why not? He's been upfront, Molly consented, & sex doesn't change things, duuuuuh. But Molly has buyer's remorse, guilt, shame and confusion. Even while processing everything with Issa (WHERE. IS. DR. PINE. THO?), Molly defends her friendship with Dro--"He was always there for me. I just don't have another friend like that." Key memory alert: He even took her to her prom! We never forget those people, do we? Well Molly, history doesn't change the present, and even though Dro has been a great friend to you, sex changes things biologically & emotionally, and you two are no longer benign "homies." Molly, you now have two narratives that you need to accept and here they are: 1) Dro took you to your prom and has been part of your childhood & adult support system and 2) Dro is a married man, in an open marriage and you are a woman having consensual sex with him, while he is in said marriage that is open. One narrative does not negate the other, as much as you try. The only way to stop being confused is to reconcile these narratives and choose a new narrative. But YOU have to make that choice. It's available and sounds like just what you said--"I value our friendship, this was a one-time thing and let's move forward as 'homies.'"

And if he was suuuuuuch the homie still, you wouldn't be stiff as a board and nervous sitting next to him and telling him where you are with things and what you want. Because, again, sex changes things, folks! I did not like Dro dismissing Molly's insecurities about their transformed relationship--it shows that he wasn't able to be a friend to her about this. Dismissing her leaves her in more doubt and confusion vs. validating that THIS IS CONFUSING FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE PRACTICE/KNOWLEDGE IN OPEN RELATIONSHIPS. And increases my suspicion of how open this marriage really is. But time will tell. Molly gets an important dose of the "marriage" part of "open marriage," when Dro leaves her to make sure that his WIFE gets what she needs. Girl, take those frayed bangs and sit down with this for a bit. Away from a bed or a tub or a bar with Dro. 

Issa definitely takes the most blows this episode. I counted (5) total! Rough episode for her and not sure how she'll make sense of everything and recover.  By the first set of scenes, she's already feeling rejected by Daniel and neighbor-bae. But let me say a few things about this neighbor-bae L--Issa gave herself this one, from start to finish. The audacity of her to show up at this man's apartment unannounced AND expecting sex?? Overconfident, arrogant Issa has resurfaced with a sense of entitlement to his time and his body, and has the nerve to feel slighted and disrespected because he's an adult who has full right to have sex with whomever he wants. Issa PLEASE. Save yourself. From....yourself. Bathroom Issa got you looking real disjointed out here. I mean, I'm glad your edges were right and you looked cute but...for what? for who? You don't respect him enough to even ask to come over and he should respect the way your insecurity is set up enough to be available when you show up? Issa needs a Derek in this very moment, but instead she has a Molly who isn't clear headed enough right now to be a better friend.

Issa's next and 3rd L is with Nico and this is another L that she gave herself. Again feeling entitled to someone's time and body, on her time, she aggressively flirts with him as soon as he shows up. Oh, Nico. You just didn't know. Sigh. He was so kind and gracious throughout, said and did the things indicative of someone who is interested in and HAS THE SKILLS!!! for deeper connection, but has no idea he's part of her "hoe-tation." Oh, Nico. You just didn't know. He soon sees what's up and I'm glad he just leaves. Please do not pass GO or collect $200.00. Just leave this one alone, because she's confused and acting out. Run, Nico, Run! 

An interesting and important conversation creeps in while Issa & friends attend a "Sexplosion" event, invited by Tiffany. For a while now there have been been perceived social differences between black women's and white women's sexual interest, willingness & behavior. Oftentimes, black men are perceived as gravitating more towards white women, or even non-black women, because they are more accommodating, supportive and/or sexually explorative. This notion that black men can "get away with more" in dating non-black women, therefore they "chase" them, has ALWAYS been harmful to the conversation about the stability of black relationships and relationship needs in general. I have yet to see/hear really thoughtful dialogue about it. (ideas forming...) Additionally, black women often internalize messages of being "too difficult," and "not enough," further lending to what feels factual for many; that non-black women are "easier." Tiffany feels empowered when she can perform adequate oral sex on Derek--she even feels in control of him. Is this important to her because she doesn't feel in control in other areas of her relationship or her life? Sexual openness or skill often makes people feel better about themselves; to know that they can please a partner is a social badge of honor and increases your sexual capital. But it's also important to engage in sexual activity for your own needs or pleasures, and when those are only met through others, you're now playing in territory in which you actually are not at all in control. It's up to them whether you are pleasing them and it doesn't matter how many videos you've watched, classes you've attended or partner's you've had previously. Additionally, and contradictorily (I googled it so....), black women are also frequently characterized as being the stereotypical Jezebel, eroticized and fetished, hypersexualized and reduced to sexual parts and sexual skill. can they both be true? Is it fair to call a woman's choice to not do something she's uncomfortable with a "hangup?"  Where does this all come from? Have you been in conversations like this? Help me out in the comments please!

Next up to share the wealth and help Issa give herself another L--Daaaaaaaamn Daniel! With the empowerment still lingering from her Sexplosion tutorials, Issa decides to put her learning into practice. She directs and stars in this show, and Daniel is here for it. He's surprised, but here for it. Everything seems to be going well until the point of climax, and Issa receives something from Daniel that she does NOT take as a compliment. While I understand her shock and even embarrassment in the moment, Issa projected eeeeeeverything onto Daniel; lashed out at him, pushed him, cursed at him and stormed out of his place ashamed and alone. Issa did not know what to do in that scenario and relinquished this knowledge by not asking questions beforehand and not setting up some ground rules for this part of the play. Though Daniel gave minimal warning of climax approaching (understandably), I'm not exactly sure what Issa expected next, or if she had even thought that far. Poor planning & lack of communication can unfortunately lead to extremely awkward sexual experiences. Some can laugh them off (together) and set new rules, some vow to never go that route again, and others, like Issa, completely lose it. Daniel is so confused by her reaction (as I imagine a lot of viewers were). She feels victimized, maybe even exploited? And to make matters the absolutely worst for her (again, self-inflicted because you don't HAVE to walk around with a tissue on your eye like this girl, come on), she's now piling into an Uber pool with a driver in a playful mood and a micro-aggressing white women next to her. Issa, it's naptime, boo. L. L. L.  

What L's are in store for next episode? I'm getting a bit weary of all this drama and no growth, but I'm tuning in. See next post for the last breakdown before the finale!